as-salaamu `alaikum all my muslim brothers and sisters!
okay okay, i know this is an extensive issue, (i will, insha'Allaah, at a later date, post something which has been checked over by a shaykh!)
but, for now, i feel i HAVE TO ADDRESS, the MANY muslims of today (especially the sisters) who contend polygyny (only in a short post really to make them think, insha'Allaah)
i have seen the issue contended time and time and time again, in person (when asking someone if they would be a co-wife, for example), on forums, chat rooms, bloggs, etc, and it is distressing me greatly at seeing just how many sisters are taking this "modernist stance" and, quite simply, not truely fearing Allaah, if their husband is desperate for another wife and is unable to supress his nafs,for whatever reason!
SUBHAANALLAAH polygyny is in the Qur'aan!
WHO ARE YOU TO CONTEND IT OR TO CHALLENGE WHAT ALLAAH MADE HALAL FOR OUR BROTHERS???
(okay, outburst over, insha'Allaah!)
but seriously, when you sisters make EVERY EXCUSE IN THE BOOK, as to why you "simply would not allow" your husband to marry another sister, it HAS to be addressed, and you HAVE to be told, by a fellow sister in islaam, if you will not listen to Allaah, His Rasool, the scholars etc, that your reasons are SIMPLY NOT VALID!
why???
well, for starters, Allaah says in the Qur'aan al-Kariim, what means:
4:3
And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphangirls, then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (the captives and the slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice.
(following taken from tafsiir ibn kathiir:)
(two or three, or four), means, marry as many women as you like, other than the orphan girls, two, three or four. We should mention that Allah's statement in another Ayah,
(Who made the angels messengers with wings, - two or three or four) [35:1], does not mean that other angels do not have more than four wings, as there are proofs that some angels do have more wings. Yet, men are prohibited from marrying more than four wives, as the Ayah decrees, since the Ayah specifies what men are allowed of wives, as Ibn `Abbas and the majority of scholars stated. If it were allowed for them to have more than four wives, the Ayah would have mentioned it. Imam Ahmad recorded that Salim said that his father said that Ghilan bin Salamah Ath-Thaqafi had ten wives when he became Muslim, and the Prophet said to him, "Choose any four of them (and divorce the rest).'' During the reign of `Umar, Ghilan divorced his remaining wives and divided his money between his children. When `Umar heard news of this, he said to Ghilan, "I think that the devil has conveyed to your heart the news of your imminent death, from what the devil hears during his eavesdropping. It may as well be that you will not remain alive but for a little longer. By Allah! You will take back your wives and your money, or I will take possession of this all and will order that your grave be stoned as is the case with the grave of Abu Righal (from Thamud, who was saved from their fate because he was in the Sacred Area. But, when he left it, he was tormented like they were).'' Ash-Shafi`i, At-Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah, Ad-Daraqutni and Al-Bayhaqi collected th
is Hadith up to the Prophet's statement, "Choose any four of them.'' Only Ahmad collected the full version of this Hadith. Therefore, had it been allowed for men to marry more than four women at the same time, the Prophet would have allowed Ghilan to keep more than four of his wives since they all embraced Islam with him. When the Prophet commanded him to keep just four of them and divorce the rest, this indicated that men are not allowed to keep more than four wives at a time under any circumstances. If this is the case concerning those who already had more than four wives upon embracing Islam, then this ruling applies even more so to marrying more than four.PLEASE NOTE that the verse from the Qur'aan says "women YOU choose"
NOT women who your wife chooses, or rather, will not choose!
why is it then, that you continue to state that you would "not be in such a marriage", would "refuse to
be in such a marriage" and "if my husband takes another wife i will divorce him!"so, you either think it is YOU who wears the trousers, and can tell your husband what to do, even though it is YOU who should obey your husband in ALL that is halal, as jannaah is at HIS feet!
remember, in a hadiith saHiH, an-nabi, salla'allaahu `alayhi was-sallim, said
"if i had been able to ask anyone to prostrate before another, i would have asked the wife to prostrate to her husband (out of respect)"
SUBHAANALLAAH!
how many of you sisters forget this hadiith by blantantly objecting to your husbands wishes and making him feel guilty for wanting that which Allaah, subHaanahu wa ta'ala, has made halal for him!
now, let me paint you a little picture, insha'Allaah (this should really make you think, insha'Allaah)
okay, so, your husband and you are happily married, and one day, he tells you that he is attracted to: the sister at the local masjid/your friend/his cousin etc, and that he wishes to marry her, OR that simply living in the west is too much fitnah and he needs another wife, because he fears that if he does not take another, then he will fall into committing adultery with his eyes/heart/mind/hands/feet etc...
now, you go schitz at him and say "NO! IF YOU WISH TO TAKE ANOTHER WOMAN YOU MUST DIVORCE ME FIRST"
or you start saying "but i am a very jealous person... this breaks my heart... i cannot bare to imagine you with another woman... aren't you happy with me?... etc etc etc"
now, if you say (a) you are going to break your husbands heart because he wants to stay married to you because he loves you, maybe he has children with you, maybe you have been married many years, etc, and if you opt for (b), then you are going to make him feel guilty about his desires which he is TELLING you about out of respect for you because HE LOVES YOU!
now, he can say "okay, forget it", then he continues to think about other sisters... romantically etc... committing zina, which is punishable by hellfire, OR, he takes another wife without telling you who she is, where she lives, what she is like, and then tells you when he is married!
(and i don't know about you sisters BUT i would rather know WHO my husband is planning to marry, and WHEN! maybe even help him to choose and establish whether she is good for him or not! not make my husband feel so bad about him wanting another wife that (a) i don't even attend the nikah because i don't even know about it! and (b) have to get to know a COMPLETE AND UTTER STRANGER! how awkward would that be??? and how bad would you feel about missing your husbands nikah? wouldn't this cause IMMENSE jealousy???)
now, if you INSIST again and again that he divorces you, and he does to save fitnah, then what will happen to the good brother you first married?
he will be married to another woman, and start committing zina AGAIN because now he cannot stop thinking about... who?
yes, that's right, YOU!
wa'Allaahu ta`ala `aalam
rasuulallaah, salla'allaahu `alayhi was-sallam, said: “Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce with no good reason will be deprived of even smelling the scent of Paradise.” (tirmidhi and ibn hibban)
okay! so, sisters who start to make their husbands feel bad about what their husband desires,
coincidentally trying to make haraam on their husband what Allaah ta`ala has made halal, what are they doing to their husband???do they/you WANT him to go to hellfire???
or would you rather bask in the gardens of jannah with him in the hereafter, because you observed patience throughout this trial for you, the patience of polygyny, the striving to please your husband even HARDER because he is not with you all the time!...???
now, the excuse of "jealousy..."
well, that is quite simple...
it can be experienced by ANYONE, even by the MOST PIOS women!
remember, aa'ishah, radhiy'allaahu ta`ala anha, was the MOST JEALOUS of the wives of nabi- salla'allaahu `alayhi was sallim, and this was possibly another reason why he, `alayhis-salaatu was-sallam, loved her the most.
Rasûlullâh sallallâhu ‘alayhi wa sallam said: "Allah has prescribed jealousy for women and jihâd for men. If a woman exercises patience with îmân in the hope for reward on account of a certain action which may cause her to be jealous, such as her husband marrying a second wife, then she will receive the reward of a martyr."
(KANZAL `UMAAL)
(see the site below for useful ahadiith and info, insha'Allaah!
http://www.ahya.org/amm/modules.php?name=Sections&op=viewarticle&artid=181)
Hasad can cause the person to indulge in disbelief because it causes the individual to feel that Allah has not been fair with him; he forgets all the mercy and blessings which Allah has bestowed upon him. The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: "They are enemies for Allah's bounties." They asked: "Who are they?" He said: "Those who envy people for what Allah has given them of Bounty." [at-Tabaranee]
now, of course, i don't mean the type of jealousy where you envy the other wife something rotten!
this is evil and from the shaytaan and would need to be controlled if this was experienced, but the emotions that mean you actually strive harder to do things for your husband, to make the house nice, your appearance nice, etc, because you want to please him as much as possible and to show that even though he has another wife, that doesn't mean that you have "gone off of him" or do not love him anymore!
BUT alhamdulillaah, it is a trial for us if our husband ever does take on another wife! and insha'Allaah let us pray that we pass the test with flying colours on yawm-ul-qiyaama aamiin!
oh, and, by the way,
this whole business of being belligerent regarding this issue could even lead to MAJOR SHIRK on both sides, and i will leave YOU to think about ALL the possible reasons WHY this is so...
(and we know what happens to those who commit MAJOR shirk...)
